While the Internet age has made it extra easy to reach out and touch someone, some of us prefer the old standby pen and paper to truly capture our feelings. Sure, it’s way more prehistoric than that YouTube link of the monkey smelling his finger and falling off the branch, but we like to think our delicious inscriptions will live on, stored away in some hope chest of the boys who still pine for us.
Sadly not all occasions are captured by the purists at Hallmark, which is why we love the twisted line of cards from Cerebral Itch. Whether you just want to call someone a “big tranny” or need a little shout out for a friend who’s “back on the market,” they’ve got you covered no matter how peculiar the occasion. Some of our faves include:
“Marriage did not agree with you, but thank god the judge did.”
For Break Ups:
“Peeing is nature’s way of cleaning out the body’s toxins. So I guess I’m sort of peeing you.”
For Big Gay Birthdays:
“I gotta tell you, I was shocked when I learned how old you are versus how good you look. Not so shocked on the gay part though. Happy Birthday gorgeous.”
For Father’s Day:
“Dear Dad, thank you for never exposing me to the dark side of adulthood and all the disappointment that it entails.”
If you’re more of the secret stalker type, Cerebral Itch has a complete line of Intervention Cards that can be sent anonymously. (That’s even more mysterious than Butch Hetero, your “straight acting, swimmers build” online persona!) Choose from an array of zingers such as boozer, fraud or, yikes, Republican. They’ll even handwrite the inscription you type in. Hmm, will we use this newfound power for good or evil? Maybe both…or a little of one and a lot of the other.
Some cards available for $3 each at
Bishop Arts Market
419 North Bishop Street, Dallas
Or see the complete collection (including the Intervention Line) at www.cerebralitch.com.