Dallas 04.02.2009

Mrs. Garrett, Carson Kressley and Cassie Nova Walk Into A Bar…

This week, the jokes write themselves

Another week, another laundry list of fabulous happenings that will make your social calendar want to jump off the nearest bridge. If this sounds familiar, then you’re as over-dramatic as we feared. Even we, with all our multiple personalities, cannot possibly attend all these great events, but we’re sure as hell gonna try. So sit back with a glass of wine, wrap your legs around a hunk of clay or head to Eastland for some raunchy girls’ school fun. And if you can’t find something fun in this week’s list, we’ve got a bridge to show you…

Wine, Women And Sonoma
Spann Vineyards Wine Dinner at Dali
Tonight, 7:00 p.m.
Start the weekend off early with a decadent five-course meal and wine-pairing at Dali in One Arts Plaza. Guest winemaker and Dallas native Peter Spann will be on hand along with his award-winning wines. Make sure to swirl your glass really fast and create a hurricane out of Merlot. (That shows the other people that you know what you’re doing).

Cost: $75 plus tax/gratuity
Dali Wine Bar
1722 Routh Street, Dallas
(469)385-9360
www.daliwinebar.com

Calling All Potheads
2nd Annual Dallas Pottery Invitational Opening Reception
Friday, April 3, 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. (Full event through Sunday)
Umm, shouldn’t this event be held on 4/20? Grab your brownies, Corn Nuts and Pink Floyd and head to this open reception celebrating all things pot…wait a minute. Pottery? Oh, we had this one all wrong. Forget what we’ve already written and instead, channel your inner Demi Moore or Patrick Swayze and get your fingers all full of wet, sexy clay then head over to this opening reception featuring some of the pottery medium’s most talented artists all in one place.

Free
Janette Kennedy Gallery
South Side on Lamar
1409 South Lamar Street, Dallas
www.dallaspotteryinvitational.com

Queer Eye For The North Of 635 Guy (And Girl)
Beauty Live!
Friday, April 3 through Sunday, April 5
Not to be confused with Beast Live!, this event celebrates all things beautiful, whether natural or silicone-based. Dallas’ Steve Kemble (America’s Sassiest Lifestyle Guru) hosts this event that will feature beauty demonstrations, classes and events from a variety of experts in their fields. Celebrity sightings will include Oprah’s fitness mentor Bob Greene, Dr. 90210’s Dr. Robert Rey, and Carson Kressley from Queer Eye. Bring your crow’s feet and your autograph book!

Dallas Galleria
13350 Dallas Parkway, Dallas
(972) 702-7100
www.galleriadallas.com

Headsets? Warm Towel? Hot Nuts?
Flight 404 with the Turtle Creek Chorale
Saturday, April 4, 7:00 p.m.
Join the Turtle Creek Chorale for their largest special event of the season, the annual airline-themed fundraiser. Enjoy hors d’oeuvres, champagne, cocktails, live music and more. And bring suitcases as big as you want. There are no charges for oversized luggage and no bitchy flight attendants here! It’s the ultimate flight experience and you never even have to get frisked by security. Unless, of course, you really want them to.

Coach tickets: $50, First Class: $100
Frontiers of Flight Museum
6911 Lemmon Avenue, Dallas Love Field Airport
(214) 526-3214
www.turtlecreek.org

Whores Live!
The Facts Of Life: The Lost Episode
Sunday, April 5 - Tuesday April 7 Now before you start writing us hate mail, this lost episode is all about the Eastland girls turning tricks to save Mrs. Garrett’s job. So in all senses of the words, they’re whores. Big, dirty whores. But big, dirty, hilariously funny ones at least. TFOL: TLE is a lot like Cher. The encores just keep on coming, but we’ll line up to see either any time they come back. Three nights only (at least until their May revival, late May revival, really late May revival…)

Tickets: $20
Uptown Players
KD Studio Theatre
2600 North Stemmons Freeway, Dallas
(214) 219-2718
www.uptownplayers.org

Whores Live! Part 2
Missed America Pageant 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 11:00 p.m.
Join hostess Cassie Nova for a night of high-camp pageantry as your favorite employees from JR’s, Sue Ellen’s, S4 and The Mining Company compete for the coveted title of Missed America. Money raised will benefit the Caven Employee Benevolence Association, which helps out Caven employees when illness or other hardships occur. Come for the cause, stay for the fake tits.

JR's Bar & Grill
3923 Cedar Springs Road, Dallas
(214) 528-1004
www.partyattheblock.com

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