We used to think our tiny love handles were cute. So much so that we even named them to keep better track of them. But Belly Furtado and Tummy Faye Bakker started to gain weight.

Yeah, not so cute anymore.

So we went to the gym and feverishly did sit-ups and crunches. Sometimes twice, three times, even four times a month.

Still not enough.

It was time to take more drastic measures. That meant increases cardio workouts, adding lots of strength training and eating sensibly between cocktails.

Slowly, it started to work.

But just as we thought our ab area was as good as it was ever going to get, we received a care package from Nickel. Inside was a large tube of something that intrigued us: Nickel Love Handles.

Yep, it’s a skincare product specifically designed for your muffin-topographic region. Containing caffeine and Theobromin, this product works to actually firm the skin around your belly and hips. It feels cool and invigorating immediately upon application, which means it’s working its magic.

The formula actually supports the holding in and releasing of lipids to tone and smooth the surface of the skin. Their lab tests show a more than 170% increase in lipolysis stimulus on subjects who used Love Handles.

Simply apply daily and rub it in vigorously (while trying to pretend the jiggling isn’t happening).

We started noticing visible results within about five days of use. After two weeks, you could bounce a quarter off our stomach.

Unfortunately, they kept getting lost under our man tits.

Nickel Love Handles
$36.19 at amazon.com
www.nickelspanyc.com

It’s hard to imagine many present-day singers performing an outdoor concert in a mild drizzle, let alone a full-on torrential downpour.

But that’s exactly what took place back on July 21, 1983, when we were but a glimmer in our father’s eyes. (We were running around the back yard in a suit made of aluminum foil that day.)

That’s the date when legendary singer Diana Ross took the stage in Central Park. It started with a little wind, then a tiny bit of rain, then a crowd-drenching release of water from the sky that would’ve made Noah grab three of every animal just in case.

Yet Ross kept performing – until it was a safety risk for her and her legions of fans caught in Mother Nature’s fury. So the concert was cancelled, but not before she promised to return the next day and do the whole thing all over again.

During what became a two-day concert event, she entertained millions of fans between those in attendance and in a worldwide TV broadcast. Now both historic nights are on DVD for the first time ever in Diana Ross: Live In Central Park.

Catch the gay anthems, “I’m Coming Out” and “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough,” along with a medley of hits from her days with The Supremes and other megahits like “Endless Love.”

There hasn’t been an event this gay since, well, our backyard Show Tunes ’n Magic extravaganza performed in Reynolds Wrap.

Diana Ross: Live In Central Park
In stores today
$11.99 at amazon.com

Tomorrow night, you’re invited to take part in a competition so intense you have to drink your way through it.

That’s right, it’s the Battle of the Cocktail, an event at Dish Restaurant & Lounge that allows you and other guests to determine their best new cocktail libation.

Gay List Daily (that’s us!) and three other media personalities will each represent one new cocktail. Your task is to taste all four and vote on your favorite. The winning cocktail will be added to the Dish menu at half price for the rest of the month.

What’s in it for you is the chance to sample some of the latest cocktail concoctions for free during the competition portion of the event from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. Then stick around for more free drinks, live music and complimentary bites from Chef Garreth Dickey from 8:00 to 10:00 p.m.

Tables will be set up, too, should you decide you need more than just nibbles to soak up all that tasty booze.

So RSVP to the e-mail address below by 5:00 p.m. today. Then come out tomorrow night and mingle with fellow Gay List Daily fans.

We’d love to meet you, so stop by and say hello. If you’re cute, you can even touch us in our special place – a cute little freckle on our forearm.

Battle of the Cocktail
Tomorrow night, Wednesday, May 16
6:00 – 10:00 p.m.
Dish (at the ilume)
4123 Cedar Springs Rd.
RSVP by 5:00 p.m. today to rsvp@dish-dallas.com
Please include your name and the name of your guest

It’s 1:50 a.m. Last call has been proclaimed. And you have ten minutes to close the hookup deal you’ve been working on since 5:00 p.m.

You’ve sent him your face pics. Texted back and forth with witty gay banter about pop culture, contemporary fashion and why Bristol Palin is as much a hypocritical, idiotic douche-ette as her grizzly mom.

But now, it’s the moment of truth: He’s asked you for a naked picture.

You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. Except you’re a ___________. (Fill in the blank with a sensitive occupation like Kindergarten Teacher; U.S. Senator or Catholic Priest.) Your career could end if these pictures end up in the wrong hands.

But you’re horny. Really, really horny.

It’s OK, there’s a new app that will get your goodies to the guy, but keep them from ever ending up on TMZ.

It’s called Snapchat, a free iPhone app available now.

Find your hookup-in-waiting via Facebook or simply ask him to download Snapchat. You can now exchange pictures without worry.

First, get to a corner of the bar with good lighting. Drop trou. Fluff. Snap. Off goes your nekkid pic for his approval.

What’s different is how long this photo lasts. One second, 10 seconds, or somewhere in between. After your designated duration, poof, it’s gone forever. And if he tries to be sneaky and do a screen capture, you’ll be alerted immediately.

Finally, a way to sext without the consequences.

Unless, of course, you’ve been chatting with your boss this whole time.

Snapchat
Free
www.snapchat.me

He’s been a pirate. A boy with scissors for hands. Even a killer barber. But until now, Johnny Depp’s never been a vampire.

And we love to see him suck.

No doubt you’re aware that his newest film, Dark Shadows, opens today. (There’s been a bit of publicity about it.)

But we’ve seen it and think it’s the best Depp-Tim Burton collaboration in years. Finally, they’ve re-captured the perfect balance of humor, horror and Burton’s signature gothic eccentricities.

Sure, Depp is back playing yet another a ghostly white-faced character with a weird accent and bizarre mannerisms, and even though that shtick can wear thin in other movies, it works in this one.

We are way too young to remember the original Dark Shadows soap opera-style TV series, but it was our sister’s favorite show and we always knew the basic premise. In the feature version, the ensemble of ghosts, vampires, witches and werewolves are introduced and it’s clear that they could go on to sustain this as a viable franchise.

We know we’d love to see more Depp as ruthless killer/devoted family man.

Dark Shadows
Opens today in theaters everywhere
www.darkshadowsmovie.com

Now that Obama has come out in support of gay marriage, it’s time we make a statement of our own that many will find equally shocking/exciting.

We wear makeup.

And not in a RuPaul kinda way either.

No, we’re men to the core. We pee standing up. Shoot polar bears for sport. And just happen to love a little pink lip gloss now and again.

That’s why we love the new men’s cosmetic line from Three Custom Color Specialists. They’ve got a whole group of products designed just for men.

There are clarifier pencils that you apply to the inner rim of your eye to decrease the appearance of redness to make your eyes pop!

Three Custom’s concealers discreetly hide things like under-eye bags. Or ill-advised Mike Tyson-esque face tattoos.

Brown CTP Blush is a secret of many of Hollywood’s leading men, who use it to subtly emphasize their cheek bones. (Little known rumor: Channing Tatum has no bones in his face whatsoever.)

Use their translucent powder to prevent that afternoon shine that makes you look like you rubbed your face in a plate of fried chicken.

And of course, what cosmetics line would be complete without a little bronzer to give that fresh-from-the-beach look.

So come on. Join the growing ranks of men who wear makeup.

It’s just one more way to make radical conservatives crazy. And more than a little bit jealous.

From $16.50
www.threecustom.com

It’s time to get fancy, fellas. The Fort Worth Opera Festival begins its 66^th season tomorrow.

Over the next four weekends, you have the opportunity to catch four singing masterpieces.

In Tosca, you’ll get your most traditional opera experience. Big sets. Big chorus. Big sopranos. All with enough lust, deceit and revenge to make you forget Desperate Housewives is ending this Sunday.

The Marriage of Figaro will make you ROTOHFL (roll on the opera house floor laughing). It’s what happens when happily ever after, well, isn’t.

Three Decembers puts you close to the action in a tale of an aging Broadway diva and her off-stage family drama.

And finally, Lysistrata is a contemporary opera (and the regional premiere) about the Athenian and Spartan women who refuse to put out until their men stop starting wars.

The composers of Three Decembers (Jake Heggie) and Lysistrata (Mark Adamo) are openly gay, too, so expect a few inside jokes that only we will understand.

Just don’t expect them to be as obvious as they were in Sean Cody: The Opera.

Fort Worth Opera Festival
May 12 – June 3, 2012
Tickets: $25 – $147
Full schedule here

Bass Performance Hall
525 Commerce Street, Fort Worth
(877) 396-7372
www.fwopera.org

Gay List Giveaway!
The generous folks at the Fort Worth Opera have given us two tickets to each of the operas for us to giveaway to our loyal readers (that’s you!). Go to www.gaylistdaily.com/giveaways for full details.

Creating a great recipe is all about combining ingredients that compliment one another. So it should come as no surprise that the new cooking competition show, Around the World in 80 Plates, is a delectable treat.

Take one part The Amazing Race, one part Top Chef and sprinkle liberally with Survivor and you’ve got the basic idea.

With hosts like super-hot Curtis Stone (we could suck on that bottom lip for days) and gorgeous lesbian Cat Cora (not sure what we’d do with her, but know that some of you out there have a pretty good idea), who even needs contestants?

But they’ve brought together a dynamic group of chefs to compete. There’s at least one gay contestant, Gary Walker, and plenty of obnoxious, opinionated type-A personalities that will keep things very interesting, especially if tonight’s episode is any indication.

The premise consists of globetrotting chef teams competing in countries like Argentina, China, England, France, Italy, Morocco, Spain and Thailand. In each installment, they’ll compete in a crazy challenge (like a speed-eating/drinking pub crawl in London) in order to win a key ingredient needed to prepare food for the final elimination challenge.

Unlike other cooking shows where professional judges eliminate contestants, here the teams vote off one player each episode. So it’s as much about personalities and strategy as it is genuine talent in the kitchen.

Which means things are going to get really messy, really fast.

Delicious!

Around the World in 80 Plates
Premieres tonight at 10:00 p.m./9:00 p.m. Central
www.bravotv.com

Some of our best childhood memories are painting clown faces on our Mom when she was passed out on the sofa following “afternoon coffee” with her neighborhood friends.

So we know a thing or two about a tipsy Mommy. And we’re sure we’re not alone.

Remind her of the influence she had on your upbringing with a gift that is useful in so many ways. Not only does it clean up messes of a non-emotional kind, it also keeps the recipient from making embarrassing wine-pairing blunders at, um, afternoon coffee.

Introducing Wine Pairing Towels, which coincidentally come in a pair, too!

One towel features a guide to red wines, the other, white. Mom can select a type of wine she already has hidden under her mattress in her cabinet and decide what food to pair with it, or she can match a wine to the casserole already bubbling away in the oven.

With 68 wines and 56 types of food per organic cotton towel, you get up to 3,808 possible combinations.

That’s a lot to get through before Mother’s Day, but we have faith she can handle it.

$28/set
www.uncommongoods.com

Tonight, you’re going to eat and drink like you’re headed to prison tomorrow. (And not the good kind of prison where they have toilet seats.)

That’s because you need to be at tonight’s Iron Fork event, presented by Whole Foods and Dallas Observer. Along with celebrity chef Kent Rathbun, who leads the festivities, you’ll get to enjoy food from more than 30 restaurants while drinking beer, wine and cocktails.

There will be live music and a DJ, too, but the main event is an Iron Chef-style battle between last year’s Iron Fork winner, Chef Scott Romano, and Chef TJ Lengnick from Whiskey Cake. Whole Foods provides a basket of ingredients, along with one mystery item, that must be turned into a tasty dish as the crowd cheers on the chefs before their food is judged by an expert panel.

It’s a great way to sample the best food and cocktails Dallas restaurants have to offer, while benefiting the March of Dimes at the same time. If you can swing the extra cash for the VIP ticket, it’s well worth it. You get in an hour early and also have access to a special lounge with exclusive restaurants and a gift bag filled with valuable swag.

But no matter which ticket you purchase, if you leave hungry it’s your own fault.

Talk about a crime.

Whole Foods Market presents Dallas Observer Iron Fork
Tonight, 7:00 to 10:00 p.m. (VIP access at 6:00 p.m.)
Tickets at door: $40 general admission, $75 VIP
Fashion Industry Gallery (FIG)
1807 Ross Avenue, Downtown Dallas
www.dallasobserver.com