Los Angeles 05.26.2009

Absolutely CERTifiable

The LAFD teaches us to take it like men

Disasters, in our experience, include running out of TIGI pomade before a workout or finding out that our aesthetician left town with no regard to our monthly cheek waxing. But the mass media prefers to enlarge our disaster scope by circulating daily headlines highlighting pandemic, terrorism, war or Lindsey Lohan.

Sure cable news networks may inflict their own panicdemic to increase Nielson scores, but we don’t have to sit back and take it – we reserve that for drunken weekend nights, afternoon delights or the occasional Craig’s List romp.

While our idea of being prepared for one of the aforementioned scenarios involves a crate of vintage porn, a vat of moisturizer and a drawer full of Cliff Bars, the local Community Emergency Response Team courses are teaching us how to man up.

No, we didn’t sign up with the CERT training in a moment of alarmism; we simply heard the local program is a project of the Los Angeles Fire Department, and considered the courses the best way to drool over local firemen without serving jail time for the non-emergency use of 911.

Coming out of the training better prepared for any disaster than our fellow Hollywood citizens is merely a fortunate byproduct.

The free courses cover everything from light medical procedures to homeland security and disaster psychology. The classes range in difficulty from level 1 (easy) to level 3 (difficult), and once a student earns enough credits to graduate from level 1, they have the option of joining their local CERT Team, which may be called upon in a crisis.

We’re hoping to stop being distracted by the arms of our weekly instructor and finally make it onto the roster of our neighborhood’s battalion. Maybe then we can kill the stereotype (which we’ve embodied since kickball in grammar school) and prove that us girls can do more than scream and clutch our pearls in midst of an emergency.

CERT Training Courses are free
Locations and times vary throughout the city
www.cert-la.com

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