National 04.14.2009

Jock Switch

The enemy of productivity has arrived

Productivity has declined here at the office. We’re used to the many distractions we encounter to bring you the great and the gay, but our powers have been no match for Adidas’s Jersey Swap web site.

It seems we can’t touch our computers without visiting the site and choosing beefy New Zealand footballers to swap jerseys. We now believe that Adidas is developing telepathic technology along side post-modern insoles and futuristic running shoes, because the site is what our most personal pansy dreams are made of.

Putting the power to disrobe sports stars in our hands, Jersey Swap allows visitors to choose two of five footballers to swap their tops (our favorite is Tamati Ellison). Once the difficult decision is made (don’t worry – visitors can continue selecting two studs to swap until their eyeballs dry out and their tongues stretch below their chins), a crystal-clear video of the footballers takes to the screen, showcasing them exchanging brief, adult-film-like dialog before going shirtless.

Having such control over the players and, more importantly, their jerseys, nearly threatened the completion of this very story. That was, until we saw the site’s other gaymazing feature – creating a personalized signed poster from one of the athletes.

We again chose a shirtless Ellison, and this time was asked to enter our names. Perpetually frisky, our brain organs decided that we’d like Ellison to call us B.J.’s.

Now we can return to bringing you the daily gay, as a high-quality shirtless, “signed” poster of Ellison hangs above our desk, reading:

B.J.’s,
Wanna swap?

Why, yes, Ellison. We thought you’d never ask.

Jersey Swap and high-quality printable posters: Free
www.adidas.com

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