National 01.27.2010

Life Stinks

Darken someone's day with a bouquet from Dirty Rotten Flowers

We don't hold grudges. They don't look good on us and we've heard they cause crow's feet. If a toxic chemical that erases grudge-wrinkles is invented, then we might explore our options further.

Until then, we passive aggressively take our fights with others out on tagged Facebook status messages. Because our parents raised us right.

But such a response doesn't always provide the satisfaction we crave in such dramatic times. The cleverly bitchy Dirty Rotten Flowers (DRF) wants us to swish the drama up a notch.

DRF is cut from the same cloth of vengeance as the mafia (think gifts of fish heads or detached digits), albeit in ways that (unfortunately) probably won't have us spending the night handcuffed by a man in uniform.

Just broken up with a few weeks ahead of Valentine's Day? DRF feels your pain and wants your ex to smell it with a bouquet of decomposing flowers.

Did the ex leave a parting gift that requires a seven-day antibiotic? DRF's “Morticia” bouquet of a dozen decapitated roses might do the trick better than he must have.

Like any credible florist, DRF also offers roses that actually are alive and gorgeous. But an argument can be made that nothing is as gorgeous as getting in the last word...or at least the last wilting flower.

Decomposing bouquet, $29
Decapitated roses, $25
www.dirtyrottenflowers.com

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