National 02.12.2009

Oral Fixation

The tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth

What someone puts in his or her mouth says a lot about the individual. A fat person might choose a piece of fried chicken, whereas Catholics love a good communion wafer.

And the gays? Well, you know us. We like to stuff our mouths with big, fat, juicy sarcastic remarks.

But at the end of the day, whether we’re skinny, portly, Jewish, Scientologist, gay or straight-curious, we’ve all got mouths that need to be cleaned.

And if you’re still on that organic-back-to-the-earth-nothing-artificial kick you proclaimed to everyone at the stroke of midnight on January 1, then we’ve got one of the best all-natural toothpastes we’ve ever tasted.

Based on the ancient Indian system of healing and rejuvenation through the use of natural herbs, roots and minerals, Auromère has launched a line of toothpastes that are all-natural and, well, let’s just say exotic.

If you’re one of those people who likes to suck on ginger instead of candy and eat radishes like popcorn, you’re weird. And you’ll also probably enjoy the Licorice toothpaste or the Cardamom-Fennel.

But we’re purists. We were raised on Crest that we used every night in our asbestos-filled bathrooms and look how good we turned out! So give us the really tasty Fresh Mint, please.

Toothpaste by any other flavor is the work of the devil.

But back to the benefits. Made from a variety of barks, plants and flowers, these toothpastes contain no fluoride, gluten, artificial sweeteners, dyes, preservatives or other harsh chemicals found in most tubes. And the concentrated formula lasts three times longer.

End your dental hygiene routine with their super-potent mouthwash and be kissably fresh all day long.

Just don’t forget to floss.

$5.69/tube
Available online and at herbal shops everywhere
www.auromere.com

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