National 07.23.2008

Watch ‘Em Wiggle. See ‘Em Jiggle.

It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

Nothing is a bigger buzz kill than $14 beers at the Cher concert. Or that fidgety feeling we get halfway through church when a little hair of the dog is needed to get us through the sermon and safely into brunch.

Well, thanks to some ingenious inventors you can stealthily get your Schlitz on any time, any place thanks to the Beerbelly. Yes, all those sit-ups you endure daily at the hands of your ruthless trainer are going to come in handy, though nobody’s going to know it. After you strap on the Beerbelly harness system, you’ll look more like Rob Reiner than Roman Heart.

Holding a whopping 80 ounces, the beer “bladder” keeps your brewski brisk and your Cosmos cold. An easy-to-use tube dispenser makes for perfectly covert sips whenever you need a hit.

But don’t think this product is just for alcoholics on a budget. It’s also great for the diabetic who needs a quick sugar rush from a belly full of orange juice or the club kid who needs a hit of Red Bull to keep dancing the night away.

And for our lady friends (or that rare group of drag queens who like to drink), there’s the Wine Rack (greatest product name ever), which conceals a little Merlot near the mams in a water-bra type contraption. (Just be grateful they didn’t go one step further and give us the Wine Box.)

So next time you see a guy getting felt up in Airport Security, sashay over and ask him if you can drink from his Beerbelly. You just might make an instant friend. Or the evening news.

Beerbelly: $35
Wine Rack: $30
www.thebeerbelly.com

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