New York 04.06.2009

Swedish Take-Out

Would you like that armoire to go?

IKEA. It’s the happiest place on Earth. And by “happy” we mean gay.

As we stroll through the aisles looking for cheap boyfriends, we never fail to find innovative Viagra-like products that help make our apartment feel bigger. After building up an appetite in the Ballroom, we take our insatiable cravings to the cafeteria for a plateful of warm, blonde Swedish (meat)balls.

It’s our idea of the perfect afternoon. Until we have to check out. Then it’s pure hell.

As usual we go for one damn thing and end up buying half the store. We know, we know. We have a tiny little shopping problem. We’ll deal with it soon. But right now we have to figure out a way to get this crap home so we can lean it against the wall of our studio apartment and feel guilty when we never put it together!

Luckily we found Ikea Delivery Alternative. Eric Rhea not only rhymes with Ikea, but he makes the whole Swedish shopping experience sublime.

For $80, he’ll pick you up at the Gayest Place on Earth and lug all your swishy Swedish accoutrement back for you (that’s $9 less than Ikea’s same-day-delivery). For $110 you get to sip martinis and shop by catalog while Mr. Rhea actually schleps to the big blue store for you. But if you tack on an extra $35 per hour, all your unpronounceable umlaut furniture will be magically assembled before your discriminating gay gaze.

IKEA Delivery Alternative
$80 - $110 depending on the service
$35/per hour for furniture assembly
(917) 312-7401
www.ikea-delivery-alternative.com

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